Christmas is only a day away and if you need a last minute gift for that sports fan in your life, this is your list. Grab them a good sports movie. Not sure what the best one is, this list is not only helpful but hilarious.
- Major League –
Ever think that maybe Charlie Sheen just got way too into character as Rickey “Wild Thing” Vaughn, and that is why he is a party animal convict screwing random people’s wives?!
- Million Dollar Baby –
One of the best boxing movies ever, and a truly heartwarming story between a boxing coach and his fighter, before ultimately getting TKO’d by a piece of furniture.
- A League of Their Own –
A beautiful story about a country at war needing women to play baseball for entertainment starring Madonna as a whore and Rosie O’Donnell as a butch lesbian (really hard acting for those roles). And although the protagonist seems to be the beautiful Dottie Hinson, the true winner was her ginger tomboy sister Kit who won the women’s World Series, or as us men like to call it, “the series nobody ever cared about ever.”
- Slapshot –
A movie that basically says what all of us Americans think. Without brutal violence and fighting, hockey is kind of boring.
- The Longest Yard (The Original) –
This Burt Reynolds movie about a former quarterback turned inmate is kind of a funny version of what we see happening to Jameis Winston if he keeps raping people and stealing crab legs.
- The Waterboy –
The Waterboy is a film that unloads a whole can of whoop ass as a semi-retarded Adam Sandler unleashes psychopathic rage while playing football for the Fonz.
- Raging Bull –
Maybe De Niro’s best role is where he plays Jake LaMotta’s. Maybe that is because he doesn’t have to act when playing a rage-filled Italian.
- Hoosiers –
A story about a high school basketball team winning the state championship in basketball. Why is it a shocking story you ask? Because all the players on the team were white…..crazy right?!
- The Natural –
Well on his way to becoming the greatest baseball player of all-time, Roy Hobbs is shot by a pretty lady. On his way back to being the ball player he was supposed to be, he is sabotaged by yet another pretty woman. Basically this movie proves the point that women are crazy and evil.
- Caddyshack –
It’s rare that I show any love for golf, but this movie is a classic. That is mostly because Bill Murray plays a psychopath grounds keeper hell-bent on the genocide of gophers, only to be out-smarted by a genius rodent.
- Friday Night Lights –
A movie about how much Texas loves their high school football…..almost as much as Tim McGraw’s character loves getting drunk and beating his kid. Hilarious movie.
- The Bad News Bears –
An alcoholic coach, who’s only good move in the whole movie is getting a punk-ass Kelly Leak to play for his lousy team. Whatever you do though, do not watch the sequel. EVER.
- Brian’s Song (The Original) –
Easily one of the saddest movies of all-time, right behind “The Lion King”. Basically if you have not cried while watching this movie, you are a soulless psychopath.
- Happy Gilmore –
No, golfers are not athletes. But angry hockey players who want to save their Grandmas’ houses are. Add in a black dude who’s hand got eaten by a crocodile, a fist fight with Bob Barker, and a golfing fan who was shot in the head with a nail gun and it’s obvious why this was a top 10 pick.
- Remember the Titans –
A movie that reminds us that the South used to be extremely racist, as opposed to now, where it’s just kind of racist.
- Bull Durham –
Basically Susan Sarandon bangs every one of the lollygagging ball players only to end up with a lifelong minor leaguer. Apparently the only thing she did well was convince Tim Robbins’ character to breathe through his eyes and wear women’s underpants. But hey, whatever works.
- Rudy –
A movie that shows how bad Notre Dame’s schedules are, considering a 5 ft nothing, 100 and nothing lb walk on defensive end got a sack on his only play. Embarrassing.
- Field of Dreams –
Once again Kevin Costner plays a man who loves baseball. But more importantly he plays a man who hates his family enough to wager his house and livelihood on building a baseball field for his ghost father because the voice in his head said so. Basically he plays a crazy person.
- Rocky (Series) –
Let’s just get this out of the way now, the order from best to worst goes Rocky IV, Rocky I, Rocky II, Rocky III, and the other two don’t even count. Like seriously, don’t watch them. EVER.
- Sandlot –
The single greatest sports movie of all-time features easily the greatest cast of characters ever assembled. My personal hero is none other than Michael “Squints” Palledorous, who taught me that if you find a woman you really like, trick her into making out with you…..basically elementary school rape is what he did to Wendy Peffercorn.